Visiting Grandma

“阿嬷”
“Eh” comes a nod of acknowledgement.
“你今天好吗？吃饱了吗？”
“Hoh, hoh, wa jia hoh liao.”

Ah-ma has been hospitalized for the past two weeks or so, recovering from her recent back operation, and we’ve been visiting her and tracking her progress.

The first time I visited, Ah-ma teared while talking to Mum, because she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to walk again. This was one of the rare times I saw my grandmother cry, and it pains to see that, and to see Mum worrying too. All these years, Ah-ma rarely showed fear until now, where old age and frail health threaten to take over her silver years. Seeing Ah-ma struggle showed me the realities of life – that my grandmother will not be around for another few decades, and there’s only so much time left to spend with her.

A part of me feels huge regret that I am unable to communicate with Ah-ma as well as I’d like to. It is my hope that we will one day be able to hold a proper conversation with her and let her feel loved.

I still lament my inability to speak Hokkien well, and I’m not proud that I can’t even understand Cantonese. It feels quite helpless seeing dialect slowly fade away from the younger generation these days, a generation that my siblings and I are a part of. But there is hope – my grandmother’s domestic helper came to Singapore three years ago unable to understand nor utter a single word of Hokkien, but after constant, daily interaction with Ah-ma, her Hokkien became much better than mine. And at Spectrum the other day, three young brothers (the eldest was 10) who were hanging around were communicating with each other in a mix of English and fluent Hokkien, and I can’t decide if I was more impressed or heartened by them then – I was smiling so much inside. I genuinely want to make a conscious effort to learn dialect, and believe it can be done.

Well back to the main point – no matter what, family still remains as one of my top priorities. Ah-ma has lovingly watched us grow up and showered us with much care, and it is only right to return this love and care. There is always a balance to find between the many things in life that scream for attention, but I think I would readily give things up for my family.

Ah-ma today could stand up more easily without as much help as before, and that’s promising! And occasionally she smiles while talking to us, especially when we talk about her new domestic helper who’s now adapting and trying to learn Hokkien from scratch. Seeing Ah-ma smile, or chuckle, and seeing Mum smile as a result – these little things easily make my day. :)

Cheers to a good weekend!