Reading an article in the Straits Times' Opinion section (In praise of failure by Simon Chesterman) reminded me of a recent experience and prompted me to write about it. The article’s a great, timely read and an excerpt of it's included at the end of the post.
Sometimes I address big groups with a confident smile and steady tone, but what really goes on inside of me is a stomach full of butterflies. Such was the experience I got two months ago when Stella asked me along with her to share and give a talk at our alma mater's assembly/special interest lecture, except that it was more than that - the brave front I would usually adopt crumbled as I stumbled and stuttered my way through the opening of my presentation... in front of 300 girls and teachers, no less.
How all this happened - I'll make the long story shorter - Stella had approached me to ask if I wanted to join her back at NY to share about our personal community engagement experiences. I was apprehensive at first because admittedly I am not someone very inspiring, and I honestly don't have much to offer, except my experiences, which aren't aplenty, and what I have learnt. But I eventually agreed to go, because it isn't every day that chances like this come by and I would very much like to pass on whatever I learnt, even if it were little, to juniors in school.
The process of thinking about what I wanted to share and how I wanted to share them was great. It gave me space to think, recollect and revisit community engagement and my experiences, and gave me a chance to put into words what I had gotten out of CE the past two years. At the same time I was also afraid - that I wouldn't be able to confidently deliver on stage, and even worse, that what I hoped the students would take away would not be effectively conveyed, squandering away an opportunity to learn. I even ran through this presentation with my brother as my audience (his age is closest to that of the actual audience's) to QC it and I'm really thankful that he listened to me bullet-train through my presentation (and nodded and smiled his usual half-impressed Ben-smile and said, "Okay. Good. Can lah." which was reassuring). That calmed me down and forced me not to focus on the things that could go wrong.
But come actual sharing and after the self-introduction coupled with with a poor, awkward attempt at lightening the atmosphere, I forgot that I would get silence as a response, and the silence was slightly unnerving. Public speaking has never really been my forte, and I messed up the opening few slides, the kind of mess-up where you, as the audience, would feel anxious for the speaker. It's funny too, because the part I messed up was the part I rehearsed quite a lot. That was wayyy nerve wrecking.
But after that part, we came to the MWPW bit and I thought to myself, I really want to just share this like how I shared it with Ben a few nights ago, and let everyone see these people, who deserved to be addressed by their names because they have one and they aren't just-another-migrant-worker, for who they are. Then things just came naturally and I shared like how I would share with any other person.
So the 15 minutes on the Nanyang stage started off on a wrong footing, but it went by really quickly, and thinking back, I actually enjoyed sharing, especially from the MWPW part onwards. On hindsight, some thoughts from this experience:
1. Closure
This opportunity to share brought closure for me towards the entire MWPW journey that started last year. Whilst the event(s) went pretty well last year, I was frankly still struggling with how I felt towards it, and with developing a personal voice. But I'm thankful for having had the chance to participate in the event again this year, as a participant this time. That experience, and this sharing session, allowed me to consolidate my thoughts, emotions and what I learnt, of which I hope I had expressed a glimpse of through the sharing.
2. Blessing in disguise
Back then, there were dreams of sharing the learning potential from the MWPW to other people by bringing the photo exhibition to other faculties for display. We didn't go far with that idea, and that was something that could perhaps have been better addressed. But thinking back, this sharing session did just that - hopefully spreading some learning value to a big group of young people. I did have concerns about whether I would be preaching to the choir, but to even be able to share... I couldn't be more thankful.
3. Learning what went wrong
After making the brave decision to speak, and then going on further to mess it up a little on the actual day, I am happy to say that I figured out what went wrong. I learnt why I messed up - it was because the experience I shared wasn't truly real to me. It was taught to me, and I agreed with it wholeheartedly, but I didn't experience it myself to be able to effectively articulate it. This I learnt, and I am learning not to make the same mistake again in future.
3. A step out of my comfort zone
Speaking on stage was uncomfortable. But good uncomfortable (pardon the grammar) - stepping out of one's comfort zone literally brings discomfort anyway.
I used to fear such experiences, but now I'm learning and trying to embrace them. Only then do we expand our comfort zones and grow in the process.
4. On falling, but picking yourself up
Lastly, one valuable lesson I took away from the sharing is that people fall, and we experience failure, big or small, in our lives. But what matters is our response to it and how we move on from there - whether we pick ourselves up and learn from it, or not. I stumbled on stage, but I hope I did brave through the fear and embarrassment, find the joy in sharing, and am glad to have ended the sharing with a smile anyway. After it all, I now know at the very least what it feels like to make mistakes on stage and what went wrong, and I can only improve from there.
This experience primes me to be more of a risk-taker, to dare to try, make mistakes, and learn from them. But of course, the challenge comes in still doing things with wisdom and discernment, and not in complete blindness.
So the talk I gave wasn't fantastic nor brilliant. But I am thankful for this short but valuable 15 minutes on the NY stage. It was a privilege to be back there as a 学姐 with Stella, and to humbly offer what we have to share to a group of promising young girls.
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"... we learn more from our failures than from our successes. As high-achieving people who have succeeded for most of their lives, these graduates might now be tempted to be conservative, to avoid risks, to stick to the safe, well-travelled path.
I urged them to resist that temptation. For as young men and women entering the workforce, now is the time when they can - and should, and almost certainly will - make mistakes. You will, I warned them, fail.
And that's okay. Because all of us fail.
For the true measure of a man or woman is not how often you succeed, but how you cope when you fail. Do you give up, walk away, think less of yourself? Or do you pause, dust yourself off, learn from what went wrong, and keep going?"
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